Apathy by Mariana Trujillo

I have slowly become more and more apathetic over the years.

I am naturally a very hyper, bouncy and curious person. My parents love to tell me about all the funny stories of my childhood. Although my instincts are to explore and be active, over the years I have become more and more reserved, anxious and quiet. I have always kept most of my thoughts to myself. I´ve always had irrational thoughts but each day that part of me grows; the other slowly fades away. I used to have everything thought out, my favorite animal, icecream flavor, color, etc, but nowadays nothing makes sense to me. The worst part of it all is that I don't do anything about it. I have very little care for myself, but I live a fairly easy life.

I believe that it is easier to be apathetic.

One day after I had finished dinner with my family, I was talking with my parents. I was talking about the maladies of my life and questioning why it had to be that way. I was asking and I noticed a pattern their answers. Life isn't fair. After a few of these responses had passed then I asked ¨why is life unfair?¨. They didn't really answer. They said ¨it just is¨. That really got me thinking. I know life will never be fair because everyone wants different things but why do we just accept it? It is a common phrase that everyone has heard millions of times in their lives so we never bat an eye and wonder about it. It is true that life isn't fair but why do we make it more unfair than it has to be? People manipulate, cheat and lie and we say that it's bad but most people don't do anything about it. Most people just say ¨its a part of life and you just have to deal with it¨. They become so numb to the world and all its horrible parts that they simply accept it as a part of life. Why? Why don't most people do anything about it? We get told, we observe, we accept and we numb. Why? Because it's easier. It's easier to sit and watch the world burn then it is to go in the fire and risk getting burnt.

It's easier to be apathetic.

Since this incident, I've become more aware. I've become more aware about all my missed opportunities to speak my mind. I've become more aware of the way I ignore things. I've become more aware of the way others ignore things. And with my awareness, I've been trying. I've been trying to be more outward about things. I don't want to watch my world burn.

Although I have been more aware and I have been trying, I know most of my thoughts will stay in my head. That's the irony. I'm aware of it all but I will most likely continue my apathetic ways.

I´ll always try though, but I will always wonder, is that enough?